How tolerating is draining our energy, and what we can do about it

What I’ve been tolerating in my life

Spring cleaning time. That’s not only true for the property, but it’s time to take a closer look at the conditions I create that I’m tolerating in my life. Just as our focus determines the quality of our lives, what we tolerate from ourselves determines what we will achieve in any given area.

If someone I’m working with has a non-specific feeling that something needs to change in their lives but can’t be specific, this list of what we have been tolerating in our lives is a great one to do together.

Hints of what I’m tolerating usually come to me in a feeling. Like, “why am I doing this again?” It comes in feelings of dread, anxiety or guilt around some particular situation. I’ve been taking inventory of when those come up for me lately, and there is some elimination, renovation and renewal that would definitely do me good.

There are many studies that show eliminating significant negatives from our lives makes us happier and improves our sense of wellbeing. While I believe that we can change our relationships with circumstances in order to enjoy our lives through virtually anything, what I’m talking about here is improving the quality of the problems we have. Having problems to solve and work on means growth, and growth means we are alive. So I am not seeking the elimination of problems, but simply transforming the conditions that no longer suit me, are stagnating, or that hold me back from focusing on the two things that matter most to me, helping others and my family.

Health: I’ve been tolerating lower energy than I would like, and a giant sense of embracement when I take off my shirt at swimming lessons with my two year old. There is way too much of me in places that I would rather it not be. I would also like to take a look at why I’m so embarrassed when I look less statuesque than I would like to see myself; this will likely mean a change in my eating habits, and definitely in my workout habits.

Friends: I have been putting too much effort into helping friends who would get more out of helping themselves. The help comes from a place of caring, but often while we are talking, I have the unshakeable intuition that I’m not doing them any favours. Sometimes it’s because I have a hard time letting go of relationships. I want to create more space in my life and improve the average quality of my relationships.

Play: It’s time to up my play game, and my boys are the ultimate teachers. If my son is bored playing with me, it’s time to let go more, worry less and get in touch with some serious fun. I frequently have all the adult preoccupations streaming through my grey matter, even when I’m bouncing around with the little ones. I’ve tolerated this way too long. It’s not serving me or them, and it’s taking away from my good times.

Romance: I’m not creating as much as I would like. I’ve seriously congratulated myself for having romantic ideas that I never acted out, like I had done it. It’s time to break out the cheese!

Try this out for yourself. What have you been simply tolerating? Writing it down is a great first step to transforming it into something you could even be excited about or proud of in your life. If you’re nuts like me, make the list public, share with friends, family, or anyone you find supportive in your life.

Stay tuned and I will post more about how I’m going about transforming each one of these areas of my life. Perhaps a challenge or two will come out of it.

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